26 Londoner Versus New Yorker Stereotypes
Once we reach our adulthood, the vast majority of us develop tastes, passions, skills and opinions which tend to keep us within a certain group of people that share them too. We then start to categorise, or better to say, stereotype everyone else so we can more easily navigate the world around us. Whether we want it or not, every one does it on some level. This is why it’s sometimes great to laugh about it, so we can break them for us and for others.
After such a positive response for our last piece on Hipsters around the world, we’ve decided to create one on stereotypes of Londoners and their New York counterparts, since these are, you know, the 2 best cities on earth. We agree it’s very subjective, so share your disagreements or let us know if we missed someone in the comments.
1. The Dalstonista vs the Downtown Too-Cool-for-You
Dalstonista: Wears a Fila sports jacket, oversized pineapple-shaped sunglasses, linen cargo shorts and combat boots. Former hipster, can be found at flower markets, playing bike polo or taking taxidermy classes. Can smoke an entire packet of Pall Mall cigarettes faster than you can say ‘pop-up restaurant on the roof of a multi-story car park in Penge’.
Downtown Too-Cool-for-You: Lives in Soho, is tall and slightly emaciated like a model. Wears $700 torn Balmain t-shirts, $3,000 Rick Owens drop-crotch pants with ugly “norm-core” shoes, and a hat. Eats at Dimes or The Fat Radish or anywhere on the Lower East Side near Chinatown.
2. The Nu Lad vs the Guidette
The Nu-lad: moved on from the tilted back baseball cap to developing a taste for sportswear. Many argue the Nu-lad is a more masculine response to the now-dead hipster as often evident in the tension on his face. He learned to wear Adidas Originals but still haven’t given up on his graffiti bum bag or JD plastic bag. Prefers a warm can of Stella to a Pale Ale.
The Guidette: Fake tan and fabulously big hair. Permanent resident of the local salon. Works a telemarketing job and frequents Tri-State area malls looking for club gear to blow her week’s pay on.
3. The Kebab Shop Guy vs the Pizza Guy
The Kebab Shop Guy: Emerges into the world on late evenings wearing a greasy apron but no plastic gloves to serve London’s drunk and wasted. Often seen on Facebook in the background of drunken girls’ selfies who may or may not have tried to get off with him for extra chips.
The Pizza Shop Guy: Needs a good shower, but you still eat their freshly made, hand-tossed pizza because it’s actually the best. Strongest NYC accent you’ll hear. So friendly and nice, they make you question the rude New Yorker stereotype.
4. The Clapham Grad vs the NYU Student
The Clapham Graduate: Not in a rush to carve out her own identity just yet and will be wearing the Warwick, Durham or Exeter university sports team hoodie for most of her first year in glorious Cla’m. Works in Marketing or one of the Big 4 and constantly cries about her salary packet not being enough for “what she does”.
The NYU Student: Rich, judgmental and condescending, often a former child star or the child of a celebrity. Tries to play it down with hoodies and tees she bought at American Apparel put together with a pair of $300 designer jeans or a random $1,800 Proenza Schouler bag.
5. The Husband-Hunter PA vs the Club Sleeze
Husband-Hunter-PA: A well-educated uni graduate who won’t rest until she has a ring on her finger. Kitted out in the latest Zara and New Look line, topped off with a Burberry coat or Mulberry bag. Anything you tell her willbe common knowledge within the hour. Always ready to dish about the latest candidate she met on Tinder or Happn.
The Club Sleeze: Goes to any clubs in the Meatpacking District. Looks “euro-trashy,” drives a Maserati and stands outside clubs leaning against it to try to impress any girl that might be interested. Wears an ill-fitting dress shirt with too many buttons undone and a huge blingy gold watch.
6. The Evangeli-Cyclist vs the Exercise Slave
Evangeli-Cyclist: There are high chances he lives in Stoke Newington but when he absolutely has to (like when he’s run out of quinoa) will venture to the big Sainsos at Angel. Mistakenly believes cycling glasses look cool. Constantly brags about being able to get from London Bridge to Tufnell Park on his bike faster than the Northern line. Whether this is true or not, nobody cares enough to test.
Exercise Slave: Goes to Soul Cycle and Barre classes every morning at 5am but only when her favorite “Lisa” is instructing. Wears bright neon Nike and LuluLemon, but mixes it with designer pieces. Calorie “splurges” on the weekend with avocado toast or an acai chia bowl at brunch.
7. The Millennial Russian vs the Trustfund Baby
Millenial Russian: Looking like they’ve just hopped off the catwalk. Favoured labels include Chloe, Marni and Thakoon. Often found hosting ludicrous parties in their parents’ equally ludicrous Kensington piles. Thanks to a Malborough or Millfield education, she can’t be identified by accent alone, the killer cheekbones give it away.
Trustfund Baby: Lives in an all-glass, new penthouse condo in the Financial District or Hell’s Kitchen. Wears only tailored suits and hires escorts when he needs them for dinner dates. Orders alcohol and small food items on delivery, but otherwise eats out at Per Se, Nobu, or Cipriani.
8. The Selfie Queen vs the Basic Bitch
Selfie Queen: Wants you to know how much she loves #londonlife via filter images of her in London Fields drinking #presec. Often found flitting between Barry’s Bootcamp in Euston and Frame in Shoreditch wearing a duck pout and #nofilter. Body inspiration is Lucy from Towie and the girl from the Protein World advert.
Basic Bitch: Constantly sips Starbucks light frap skinny-pumpkin iced mocha through a straw. Shares a summer house in the Hamptons with 25 other girls and has a tan throughout all seasons. Goes to brunch and instagrams it with hashtags #girlies #sundayfunday.
9. Canary Wharf Wageslave vs the Bro Banker
Canary Wharf Wageslave: Fresh out of uni on a permanently-soon-to-become 6 figure salary. Sadistic working hours enable him to easily bond with cab drivers who facilitate his magic roundabout shower from 4-6am. If the suit jacket’s skinny and shiny he’ll be from Kent or Essex; baggy and hounds-tooth – from Cotswolds or Stanford CWW.
Bro Banker: Lives with three other bros, also bankers, in an apartment with a large common room so that they can throw weekend parties and watch basketball on a 60-inch TV screen. Wears J. Crew and Brooks Brothers on the weekend, and dates the ‘Basic Bitch’. Life-philosophy: suit up in the morning and bro down in the evening.
10. The Black Cabbie vs the Taxi Driver
Black Cabbie: Identifiable by their short sleeved shirts, football club tattoo and a smattering of gold jewellery. Only to be found when you don’t need one. Also recognisable by their schadenfreude tweets every time an Uber driver runs someone over.
Taxi Driver: Permanently talking on a cellphone headset in a foreign language. Screams intermittently at traffic, and takes the long route without warning and waits until the last second to stop the meter. Always pretends that the credit card machine doesn’t work.
11. The Bartender Musician vs the Coffee Shop Actress
Bartender Musician: Found in the achingly hip, here-today gone-tomorrow pop-up, making cocktails in old bottle lids in the hopes he can DJ later. Trades beard oil recipes with his private school chums and gets obsessed over his mix getting in the right hands.
Coffee Shop Actress: There’s one in every chic café in New York. Quiet, but coordinated and intelligent, a girl who splits her time between the company of old novels, figuring out how to pay her school debt, and being late to auditions. Loves coffee but most often will be found drinking herbal tea. Has a natural talent for giggling that 20% tip right out of your pocket.
12. Polish Builder vs Queens Construction Worker
Polish Builder: Wears a yellow hard hat, orange safety and a trusty Polish eagle necklace. While once he could relax over a McDonald’s breakfast in the sun, his time is now spent challenging the EC to remove the viral video about his wide appreciation of the female form.
Queens Construction Worker: Lives in Queens, Long Island or New Jersey. Wears a yellow hardhat, beige suede work boots, and jeans with paint and dust all over them. Catcalls women as they walk by. Eats a halal street meat meal for lunch everyday with a large Coke.
13. The Dead-Behind-the-Eyes Man vs the Crazy Old Lady
Dead-Behind-the-Eyes Man: Smartly dressed grey haired big earner found on the tube at rush hour, looking all dead behind the eyes after a lifetime of loyally serving the same finance company. Carries an unopened phrasebook in his briefcase to accompany his never-to-be-fulfilled dream of packing it all in and moving to the Dordogne.
Crazy Old Lady: Around 80 years old, lives on Upper West Side or Upper East Side and wears crazy bright plastic accessories. Has lived in NY for 60 years, talks about random people’s children in her neighborhood and complains about everything. Buys prepared food from local delis and pushes a cart home.